Secrets To Get Along With Difficult People

We all have difficult people in our lives. You know-the ones you dread talking to; the ones you try to avoid at all costs. They may be your ex-spouse, a co-worker, or a family member; they may be a bully, a control freak, passive-aggressive or someone who loves to play the role of victim.

So, how do we deal with these people? How can we work together productively, whether in a parenting, a working, or a family relationship?Here are a few secrets to being able to keep your cool when dealing with that difficult person in your life:

1. Know Your Triggers

Self-knowledge is powerful.
We all have subjects and idiosyncrasies that push our buttons, and I can almost guarantee that the difficult person in your life knows what those are-but do you? Spend some time exploring what really ticks you off. Is it when somebody talks about politics, money, or your family?

Once you have your list of those trigger buttons, you are ready to arm yourself.
Create a plan. What will you do when the conversation steers dangerously close to one of your buttons?
You can practice deep breathing, take a short time-out, walk away from the conversation, or any combination of the three. Whatever allows you to center yourself and regain your focus on the purpose of the conversation will work.

2. The STOP Phrases

If you are having a conversation with a difficult person and you just want it to end, these phrases seem to do the trick (or at least take the wind out of the other person’s sails).”Sorry you feel that way.”
“That’s your opinion.”
“Oh.””Perhaps you’re right.”
If you just repeat these phrases over and over during the conversation, eventually the other person will give up trying to get you to join the argument.

3. Resist the Temptation to get Sucked In

Difficult people want to engage you: don’t fall for that trap. Listen to what you’re saying: are you trying to justify, argue, defend, or explain your position? If you are, stop. If you don’t, the conversation will just continue to go around in circles. You will never change the mind of a difficult person-otherwise you probably wouldn’t be seeing them as “difficult.”

4. The Big One

While the 3 secrets above can help you to avoid or get out of an uncomfortable conversation with a difficult person, there is one secret that can truly change your relationship with that person in your life: that secret is, that they are human, and are dealing with their own issues and their own crap that they’re bringing to the table.
Their difficult behaviors are benefiting them in some way that helps them deal with those issues, and most of the time their behavior has nothing to do with you.
A person might feel more secure when they are bullying someone or controlling others, or they might feel a sense of importance when they’re getting a lot of attention-even negative attention. They might try to gain a sense of belonging by playing the victim and getting others to help them, or someone who’s inflicting hurt and provoking hostility might be trying to protect his own sense of identity.

If we take the time to figure out what unconscious beliefs may be behind someone’s difficult behavior, we may be able to change our interaction with them and improve our relationship. Once you figure out what may be driving their behavior, you can begin to try different ways to help them get their emotional needs met without resorting to that behavior any longer.The main idea here is to tap into your empathy pool and realize that the person you see as the bane of your existence is just another human being trying to get along as best they can.

A Final Thought
Yes, sometimes we have to disengage in order to save our sanity, but keep in mind that everybody is doing the best they can with the emotional tools they have at their disposal. It is possible to get past our reactions to their difficult behaviors so that we may be able to do our part in building a calmer, more productive relationship, and in the end, this is all we can truly control-our own reactions.

You never know-one day, you may actually look forward to seeing these people.

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The wall of resentment

A story tells of a merchant in a small town who had identical twin sons. The boys worked for their father in the department store he owned and, when he died, they took over the store.

Everything went well until the day a twenty-dollar bill disappeared. One of the brothers had left the bill on the cash register and walked outside with a customer. When he returned, the money was gone.

He asked his brother, “Did you see that twenty-dollar bill on the cash register?” His brother replied that he had not. But the young man kept probing and questioning. He would not let it alone. “Twenty-dollar bills just don’t get up and walk away! Surely you must have seen it!” There was subtle accusation in his voice. Tempers began to rise. Resentment set in. Before long, a deep and bitter chasm divided the young men. They refused to speak. They finally decided they could no longer work together and a dividing wall was built down the center of the store. For twenty years hostility and bitterness grew, spreading to their families and to the community.

Then one day a man in an automobile licensed in another state stopped in front of the store. He walked in and asked the clerk, “How long have you been here?”

The clerk replied that he’d been there all his life. The customer said, “I must share something with you. Twenty years ago I was ‘riding the rails’ and came into this town in a boxcar. I hadn’t eaten for three days. I came into this store from the back door and saw a twenty-dollar bill on the cash register. I put it in my pocket and walked out. All these years I haven’t been able to forget that. I know it wasn’t much money, but I had to come back and ask your Forgiveness.”

The stranger was amazed to see tears well up in the eyes of this middle-aged man. “Would you please go next door and tell that same story to the man in the store?” he said. Then the man was even more amazed to see two middle-aged men, who looked very much alike, embracing each other and weeping together in the front of the store.

After twenty years, the brokenness was mended. The wall of resentment that divided them came down.

It is so often the little things – like resentments – that finally divide people. And the solution, of course, is to let them go. There is really nothing particularly profound about it. But for fulfilling and lasting relationships, letting them go is a must.

10 simple Feng Shui tips set your bedroom right and enjoy a blissful romantic life‏

Follow these simple and practical Feng Shui tips to improve your love life.

1. It is important to improve the flow of chi, that is, positive energy, through your bedroom in order to enjoy a harmonious intimate relationship. Hence, make it a point to keep it clean and tidy all the time. And this includes all the closets, side tables, shelves and every other storage space in your room.

2. To start with, clean out under your bed. Well, it will reduce the storage space, but having nothing under your bed is an effective way to keep your bedroom filled with positive vibes. Besides, it will help in all aspects of your life, not just in relationships.

3. Pick pieces that are red, pink and white in colours, such as white candles, red show pieces, and pink photo frame etc., while decorating your room, as these colour represent love and romance. However, ensure to decorate with pairs of items, and keep them united. According to the principles of Feng Shui, groups of two’s work best.

4. However, do not bring things that are not related to your personal life or sleep to your bedroom. Office files and folders, computers, laptops, television, family portraits, etc. should not be kept in your bedroom.

5. Bed should not be in a direct line with the doorway, and if it is there, it is advisable that you move it away from the line of the door as soon as possible. Also, keep all the bedroom doors, including the closet doors as well as bathroom doors, closed at night. This tip has proved its worth time and again, so try it!

6. Don’t keep the windows and curtain of your bedroom closed all the time. It is important to let fresh air and sunlight enter the room, so that when you enter your bedroom you feel good about it and have a deep feeling of being in your own nest, irrespective of its size and fancy dcor. So, open up the curtains and windows and let the natural light in. Also, paint the walls of your doors with light, pastel shades, which are easy on the eyes. After all, love cannot blossom in the dark!

7. Put a single mattress, wide enough to accommodate you and your beloved, on the bed. Do not sleep on a double bed with two different mattress, as this creates symbolic separation that could become real.

8. Windchime absorbs negative energy from the air and that is why it is advisable that you hang it outside your home to obstruct negativity entering your home. However. don’t hang a windchime over your bed as it may have attracted and absorbed negative energy during the day, and the negativity it has my jeopardise your love life.

9. Choose the images or artefacts you choose to put in your bedroom wisely, as they, especially images, carry powerful Feng Shui energy. Do not put things which may make you sad, lonely and nostalgic.

10. Put a mirror near the foot of the bed, as it cannot only multiply your fortune and happiness, but can also improve communication in your relationship, providing a soothing sense of completion of your goals. Whereas, a large round mirror on the wall above the headboard may reduce your tension and anxiety, and thus help you improve your relationship with your life partner.

Thought Provoker: 18 Ways to Make Your Parents Feel Great

Starting from our birth they have taken care of our food (22 years * 365 days * 3 times = 24000 times!), household maintenance, our education (daily home works, uniform, school/tuition fee), religious moral teaching every day (THE REAL GREAT JOB), shelter, clothing, outings, vacations, toys, computer and God knows how many other countless efforts they have put in to make us a complete human being to enjoy and survive in this world. Indeed, all those efforts cannot be covered in this article but the overall emphasis is that its our moral and spiritual responsibility to take care of them now.

Below are some small acts of kindness which would truly show your affection to take good care of them:

  1. Give them enough money so that they don’t have to ask you.
  2. Share funny and entertaining things with them to make them laugh or smile.
  3. Don’t speak loudly. Speak slowly, nicely and softly.
  4. Do not walk in front of them in market or anywhere. They might walk slow being old; stay behind them. Give them respect.
  5. Ask for small tasks again and again. For example, “Abou Jee, do you need water? Should i bring tea for you? Are you hungry, baba” etc
  6. Closely monitor their health. visit doctor if required. Have them checked thoroughly time to time.
  7. Take care of their medicines. Set reminders on your phone for their medicines and serve them on time.
  8. Take them to the Temple. Walk slowly. Follow their pace.
  9. Take them to the park for walk. If not possible daily, then take them on weekend.
  10. Call them with respect.
  11. Open the door for them with respect.
  12. Adapt yourself according to their schedule not vise-versa.
  13. Do shopping for them (buy their clothes, shoes, small items like tooth paste). Buy your mother a nice coffee cup. Take them to market and buy them according to their likings. Buy your parents some nice books; usually people love to read books in old age.
  14. When you come back to home, visit them first in their room.
  15. Respect their social circle and let them enjoy with their friends.
  16. In case of conflict on any issue, try to follow them as much as possible. Remember, they have been sacrificing their money and time in raising you for years and years. Its time to pay back. They have been showing all the patience during your childhood. Its time for you to be patient.
  17. Keep them with you instead of sending them to old age home. This will be a big act of ignorance if you do.
  18. When starting the food, serve them first and on time

A last word. Let not parents expect all this care. And, children never forget any of their duties to their loved ones. I would recommend making a check list of this post and and paste it on any wall in your room or kitchen and read it often to remember.