Jokes

Joke 1:

A little girl comes back home from school and tells her mom:
“Mommy, today I got punished for something I didn’t even do!”

“What?! What do you mean?” Her mother says, angry, “I’m going to call your teacher right now! What is it you didn’t do?”

“My homework.”

Joke 2:

A rich businessman walks down the street when he spots an old man sitting with a fishing rod next to a puddle, trying to fish.

The businessman takes pity on the old deranged man, and invited him to eat lunch with him at the coffee shop close by.

After the meal, the businessman asks him with a smile: “So? Did you catch any fish today?”

“Sure did,” answers the old man, “You’re my third one.”

 

Joke 3:

Mark spent a year in an asylum, thinking he was a mouse. After intensive therapy, he was released. 10 minutes later he appears back inside as if all hell broke loose.

“What happened to you??” Asked his surprised doctor.
“There’s a cat outside!” screams Mark.
“But Mark, I thought you got better! You know you’re not a mouse!” Cried the doctor.
“I do!” Exclaims Mark, “but he doesn’t know that!”

Joke 4:

Teacher: “Daniel, if you had a dollar in your hand and you asked your dad for another dollar, how many dollars would you have in your hand?”
Daniel: “A dollar.”
Teacher: “Daniel, apparently you don’t know math…”
Daniel: “Apparently you don’t know my dad.”

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IAS Interview

Once a bright intelligent young man went for IAS (Indian Civil Service) interview. He was asked –

Q 1. When did India get independence?

He answered – The efforts started long back; but could succeed in 1947.

Q 2. Who were the persons, who played important role in this fight for independence?

Answer – There are many people, who were involved and contributed in this. If I give a name, it will be injustice to others.

Q 3. Do you think, corruption is the greatest enemy of the country?

Answer – A committee is investigating in this matter. I can give a correct reply to this only after seeing the report.

The interview board was impressed by his original ideas. They asked him to wait outside; but also advised him not to reveal the questions, as they may ask the same questions to other candidates also.

When the young man went out of the room, Sardar inquired about the questions asked. The young man said that he had promised the interview board not to disclose the questions.

But, Sardar found a way out. “Tell me the answer you gave”..

The young man, thought it to be okay, as he was not going back on his words of “not disclosing the QUESTIONS”. So he gave him the three answer which Sardar quickly learnt by heart.

When Sardar went in for interview, this is what happened.

Q 1. When were you born?

Sardar:- The efforts started long back, but could succeed in 1947.

Interviewers got confused…they asked next question.

Q 2. What is your father’s name?

Sardar :- There are many people, who were involved and contributed in this. If I give a name, it will be injustice to others.

The board members were shocked at the reply..they said.

Q 3. Are you mad?

Sardar :- A committee is investigating in this matter. I can give a correct reply to this only after seeing the report.

New Husband for Sale – Excellent Joke

A store that sells “New Husbands” has opened in New York City,
where a woman may go to choose a husband.
 
There are six floors and the value of the products increases as the shopper ascends the floors..
 
A woman goes to find a husband.

Floor 1 – These men Have Jobs.
She continues to the second floor..
Floor 2 – These men Have Jobs …n love kids..
she continues upward…
Floor 3 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking..
‘Wow,’ she thinks, but She goes to the fourth floor..
Floor 4 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Good Looking and Help with Housework.
She exclaims, ‘I can hardly stand it!’ Still, she goes to the fifth floor…
Floor 5 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are very handsome, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic nature.. 
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 – You are visitor number 31,456,012 to this floor…
There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please!!! 
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store..
(scroll and keep reading!) 
Now The store’s owner opened a “New Wives Store” just across the street..
The 1st Floor has wives that listen to men..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
 
The 2nd, 3rd, 4th,5th and 6th floor have never been visited by men!!!!!!

Best Slogans

1. Sign on a famous beauty parlor in Mumbai: Don’t whistle at the girl going out from here. She may be your grandmother.

2. Sign on a bulletin board: Success is relative, More the success, more the relatives.

3. Sign at a barber’s saloon in Juhu, Mumbai: We need your heads to run our business.

4. A traffic slogan:  Don’t let your kids drive if they are not old enough or else they will never be old.

5. THE BEST ONE BY INDIAN ARMED FORCES:

Its God’s responsibility to forgive the terrorist organizations. It’s our responsibility to arrange the meeting between them & God.

I Love You Mum…..

5 years old boy :-
I Love u Mom.
MoM :- Awww ! I Love u Too..
.
.
16 years Old Boy :-
I Love u Mom.
MoM :- Sorry ! I Have No Money…
.
.
25 years Old Boy :- I Love u Mom.
Mom :- Kaun Hai ? Kahan rehti hai wo ?
.
.
Moral : Maa Sab Janti hai
But the Best is
35 yr old man : mom I love you ..
Mom : beta pehle hi bola tha uss chudel se shadi mat kar na…
And the best one…45 yr old man : mom i love you…..
mom: beta mai koi bhi paper sign nahi karugi…

Einstein – Train Ticket

Einstein was once traveling from Princeton on a train, when the conductor came down the aisle, punching the tickets of every passenger. When he came to Einstein, Einstein reached in his vest pocket. He couldn’t find his ticket, so he reached in his trouser pockets.

It wasn’t there. He looked in his briefcase but couldn’t find it. Then he looked in the seat beside him. He still couldn’t find it.

“The conductor said, ‘Dr. Einstein, I know who you are. We all know who you are. I’m sure you bought a ticket. Don’t worry about it.’

“Einstein nodded appreciatively. The conductor continued down the aisle punching tickets. As he was ready to move to the next car, he turned around and saw the great physicist down on his hands and knees looking under his
seat for his ticket.

“The conductor rushed back and said, ‘Dr. Einstein, Dr. Einstein, don’t worry, I know who you are; no problem. You don’t need a ticket. I’m sure you bought one.’

Einstein looked at him and said, “Young man, I too, know who I am. What I don’t know is where I’m going.”