A guy was baptized and dipped in water 3 times.
After the third dip, the Priest said: “You are now baptized, you are a new creation. The old one is gone, no more drinking of alcohol for you. Your new name is Gomes.”
Gomes went back home and headed straight for the fridge. He took a Kingfisher Beer, dipped it in water 3 times and said: “You are now a new creation, the old one is gone. Your new name is Green Tea!”
A wealthy manager was driving in his car when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed by the sight, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. He asked one man “Why are you eating grass?”
“We don’t have any money for food,” the poor man replied. “We have to eat grass.” “Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I’ll feed you” the manager said.
“But sir, I have a wife and five children with me. They are over there, under that tree”.
“Bring them along,” the manager replied. Turning to the other poor man he stated, “You come with us also.”
The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, “But sir, I also have a wife and seven children with me!”
“Bring them all, as well,” the manager answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as it was.
One of the poor fellows turned to mr. Manager and said, “Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.”
The manager replied, “Glad to do it. You’ll really love my place; the grass is almost 1 meter high!”
Lesson: Never trust managers… They will take u to any extreme to finish their job. 😄😄😄😄
A girl was with her father when she saw her boyfriend coming
GIRL: Have you come to collect your book titled “DADDY IS AT HOME?” by Ngozi Okafor
BOY: No, I want that your hymns book called “WHERE SHOULD I WAIT FOR YOU?”
GIRL: I don’t have that one but may be you should take the other one titled “UNDER THE MANGO
TREE” by Chimamanda Adichie
BOY: Fine, but don’t forget to bring “I WILL CALL YOU IN 5 MINUTES” while coming to school
GIRL: I will also bring you a new one too titled”I WON’T LET YOU DOWN” by Chinua Achebe
DAD: Those books are too many, will he read them all
GIRL: Yes dad, he is very smart intelligent
DAD: Okay don’t forget to give him the one on the table titled “I AM NOT STUPID, I UNDERSTOOD
EVERYTHING YOU’VE BEEN SAYING” by Shakespeare!
A little girl comes back home from school and tells her mom:
“Mommy, today I got punished for something I didn’t even do!”
“What?! What do you mean?” Her mother says, angry, “I’m going to call your teacher right now! What is it you didn’t do?”
A rich businessman walks down the street when he spots an old man sitting with a fishing rod next to a puddle, trying to fish.
The businessman takes pity on the old deranged man, and invited him to eat lunch with him at the coffee shop close by.
After the meal, the businessman asks him with a smile: “So? Did you catch any fish today?”
“Sure did,” answers the old man, “You’re my third one.”
Mark spent a year in an asylum, thinking he was a mouse. After intensive therapy, he was released. 10 minutes later he appears back inside as if all hell broke loose.
“What happened to you??” Asked his surprised doctor.
“There’s a cat outside!” screams Mark.
“But Mark, I thought you got better! You know you’re not a mouse!” Cried the doctor.
“I do!” Exclaims Mark, “but he doesn’t know that!”
Teacher: “Daniel, if you had a dollar in your hand and you asked your dad for another dollar, how many dollars would you have in your hand?”
Daniel: “A dollar.”
Teacher: “Daniel, apparently you don’t know math…”
Daniel: “Apparently you don’t know my dad.”
A guy at a bar was just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half an hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying.
The truck driver says, “Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand to see a man cry.” “No, it’s not that. It’s just that this day is the worst of my life…
First, I fall asleep, and I get to my office late. My boss, outraged, fires me. When I leave the building, and head towards my car, I find out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave i t, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away.”
I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison.”
A pinch of tobacco
rolled in paper
with fire at one end
and a fool at the other!
It’s an agreement
a man loses his bachelor degree
and a woman gains her master
An art of transmitting Information
from the notes of the lecturer
to the notes of students
without passing through the minds
The confusion of one man
multiplied by the
The art of dividing
a cake in such a way that
he got the biggest piece
The hydraulic force by which
masculine will power is
defeated by feminine water-power!
A place where divorce comes
A place where everybody talks,
and everybody disagrees later on
A feeling when you feel
you are going to feel
you have never felt before
which people praise,
but never read
that can set
a lot of things straight!
where you can relax
after your strenuous
The only time
when some married men
ever get to open
to make others believe
that you know
you actually do
who can do
and sit to decide
that nothing can be done
to bring an end
who torments himself
to be spoken of
who tells you
to go to hell
in such a way
that you actually look forward
to the trip
who starts taking bath
into a river
who while falling
from EIFFEL TOWER
says in midway
“SEE I AM NOT INJURED YET!”
who says that
O is the last letter
Instead of the first letter
who lives poor
he can die RICH!
from the other,
unless he gets caught
who is early
when you are late
when you are early
shakes your hand
and your Confidence
and kills you
by his bills..!!
A squirrel is living in a pine tree, when one day it starts to shake
and rock so violently she almost fell down.
So was barely able to walk with holding on to the wood and
looks outside and he sees a large elephant trying to climb
up the tree.
“What the heck!” the squirrel exclaims. “What the heck do you
think you’re doing climbing up this tree, you almost had me
The elephant responds. “I’m climbing up here to eat apples.”
The squirrel is befuddled. “You moron! This is a pine tree!
There are no apples here!”
The elephants stares at him for a moment before
replying, “I know. I brought my own.”