Your Horse Called Up!! Fun and Jokes

A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the Head with a frying pan.

“What was that for?” the man asked.

The wife replied “That was for the piece of paper with the name Julie on it that I found in your pants pocket”.

The man then said “When I was at the races last week Julie was the name of the horse I bet on”

The wife apologized and went on with the housework.

Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.

Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again.

Wife replied. “Your horse called up !!!!”

Advertisements

Precious Stone (Short and Inspiring Story)

A wise woman who was traveling in the mountains found a precious stone in a stream.

The next day she met another traveler who was hungry, and the wise woman opened her bag to share her food. The hungry traveler saw the precious stone and asked the woman to give it to him. She did so without hesitation.

The traveler left, rejoicing in his good fortune. He knew the stone was worth enough to give him security for a lifetime. But a few days later he came back to return the stone to the wise woman.

“I’ve been thinking,” he said,”I know how valuable the stone is, but I give it back in the hope that you can give me something even more precious. Give me what you have within you that enabled you to give me something more precious. Give me what you have within you that enabled you to give me the stone.

Moral : All the treasures in our world not worth the noble feelings that we carry within ourselves to others.

Why the Busiest People Are Always on Time‏?

Busy people are organized because they keep things in priority. Ever wonder why busy people are always on time

Do you know people who are always late? Regardless of the event, I have friends that are always 30 minutes late. Everyone has just as many hours in the day as everybody else does, so why are some on time and others not?

Psychologists would say those who are fashionably late want to be in control or want to make an entrance so they can be the center of attention. I used to see it as being inconsiderate or wanting to show off. I think if those people wanted to be on time they could, but for whatever reason, they aren’t. But for me, when I’m running late it’s a time management issue.

Time management is learned. You can’t buy it, you aren’t born with it, and nobody else can give it to you as a gift. You have to work on it. If it’s a priority to you you’ll make it happen.

Here’s what Time Management is to me…knowing the difference between when you have time to do something and when you don’t …that is time management. Time management is the key ingredient for busy people who seem to get more done and become more successful. Ironically it’s the busy people who have more leisure time for themselves. What? I don’t understand how when you are busy, busy, busy, that you can have more time for yourself. It’s Time Management.

During the course of the business day when someone wants to stop you and chat, busy people will say, ‘I’ve got to go now or I’ll be late, sorry, catch up with you later.’ What they are saying is, ‘I’ve got to respect my time and the commitments I’ve made. I need to do this now, because I’m busy and won’t be able to do it later if I stop and chat with you.’

# 1 Plan Ahead.

Busy people have a plan. They write it down on a Day-Timer or calendar. They have a schedule and they have personal things scheduled months in advance and meetings planned days and weeks in advance. They make sure there’s room for impromptu meetings, hallway chats, paperwork, research and whatever they need to do because it’s on the schedule.�

# 2 Prioritize

They respect their plan and prioritize accordingly. Busy people put a good deal of thought into their time and schedule. Isn’t it interesting that the more time you spend thinking and planning about how to use your time, the more time you have?

# 3 Delegate

Busy people effectively delegate tasks both at the office and at home. If a busy person volunteers to organize or chair a fundraiser event, they eagerly delegate to others so as not to clog up their personal or business plans.

# 4 Don’t Procrastinate

More importantly they don’t put off tasks they can do right now, I mean right here and right now, today, not after lunch, now.

When I’m late to a meeting and running behind time, it’s usually my fault. I was either on the phone chatting, on the Internet goofing off, or was not paying attention to the time and my schedule. That’s when I go back, look at my plan, my priorities and how I may have procrastinated.

The best of the Wrost!!! Fun

THE WORST HIJACKING
We shall never know the identity of the man who in 1976 made the most unsuccessful hijack attempt ever. On a flight across America, he rose from his seat, drew gun and took the stewardess hostage.
‘Take me to Detroit,’ he demanded.
‘We’re already going to Detroit,’ she replied.
‘Oh … good,’ he said, and sat down again.
———— ——— ——— ———— ——— ——— ———— ——— ——–
 THE WORST BANK ROBBERY
In August 1975 three men were on their way in to rob the Royal Bank of Scotland at Rothesay, when they got stuck in the revolving doors. They had to be helped free by the staff and, after thanking everyone, sheepishly left the building.
A few minutes later they returned and announced their intention of robbing the bank, but none of the staff believed them.
When they demanded 5,000 pounds in cash, the head cashier laughed at them, convinced that it was a practical joke.. Then one of the men jumped over the counter, but fell to the floor clutching his ankle. The other two tried to make their getaway, but got trapped in the revolving doors again.
———— ——— ——— ———— ——— ——— ———— ——— ——–
THE WORST ANIMAL RESCUE
During the firemen’s strike of 1978, the British Army had taken over emergency fire fighting and on 14 January they were called out by an elderly lady in South London to retrieve her cat which had trapped up a tree.
They arrived with impressive haste and soon discharged their duty. So grateful was the lady that she invited them all in for tea. Driving off later, with fond farewells completed, they ran over the cat and killed it!!
———— ——— ——— ———— ——— ——— ———— ——— ——
LAWYERS Vs INSURANCE
This is the best lawyer story of the year, decade, and probably the century.
A Charlotte, NC, lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, and then insured them against fire among other things. Within a month having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company.
In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost ‘in a series of small fires.’
The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason: that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The lawyer sued and won!
In delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The Judge stated, nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire, and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the ‘fires.’
NOW FOR THE BEST PART… After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!!
With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.
This is a true story and was the 1st place winner in the recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.

Organized Outdoor Dining Tips‏

Now that summer is here, my family and I have been eating outside on our deck for the past few weeks…how nice it is to eat outdoors, listen to the birds singing, and enjoy quality family conversation–all at the same time!

To stay organized for outdoor dining…

1.Check the weather. Don’t take chances on being rained out. If the event is planned well ahead of time, consider reserving a pavilion or renting a canopy in the event of inclement weather. For spontaneous outdoor dining, be flexible and understand that weather often changes quickly and you may have to alter your plans.

2.Keep hot food hot. Be sure hot foods are cooked to above 140 degrees F and kept to at least 140 degrees F if not eaten promptly.

3.Keep cold food cold. An upset stomach is not something you want to remember about your outdoor dining event. Use coolers and lots of ice to keep potentially hazardous foods well chilled and don’t leave food dishes out in the hot sun where bacteria will thrive. Keep filled coolers in air- conditioned vehicles when traveling, not in the trunk, and refrain from opening and closing the lid often.

4.Bring wet wipes. Eating outside is often messy and having the ability to wipe off hands with a moist cloth is helpful when no hand-washing facilities are present. Keep a pack in your car for unexpected outdoor dining gatherings and include a bottle of hand sanitizer as well.

5.Think about the eating surface. You may want to bring along a large vinyl tablecloth to make dining more pleasant. Picnic benches are often nasty surfaces and difficult to clean, so covering the picnic bench or other surface with a tablecloth makes good sense. Weigh down your tablecloth with rocks in the case of windy conditions, or purchase clips or weights to be used for that purpose.

6.Don’t forget the sun block. Even on cloudy days, your skin is quickly susceptible to burning. If there is a lot of reflective surface around, such as pavement or water, sunburn is a risk as well, even in winter. Even if you remember yours before leaving your house, someone may forget theirs, so bring some sun block along.

7.Bring activities for outdoor dining events. If food is cooked on site, it may be a long time before being served. If kids are involved (or even just adults), having activities planned helps pass the time and keeps people active. Bring a ball, flying disk or maybe even a kite if the location is right.

8.Consider net covers for serving food dishes. Purchase inexpensive umbrella-like, fold out mesh covers to keep flying insects out of the food. These covers are often found in discount stores during the summer season.

9.Bring an empty trash bag. Clean up well after yourself and leave the outdoor dining site as you found it, or better, so that others may enjoy the location after you leave.

10.Take note of your surroundings. Don’t concentrate so much on the food, that you forget where you are. Savor your meal, but look around and take in the scenery around you.

How to Get Along with People You Dont Like‏

Here is a simple but powerful and transformative  that is, intense  experience for you, in two steps.

For the first step, on computer, paper, or at least in your mind, make a list of the people you don’t like who you routinely correspond with or who impact your life.

This can include those in your professional and personal world, and those in the public eye, who rub you the wrong way, who make your skin crawl, or who — if you didnt believe in kindness and compassion or at least in avoiding jail — youd flat out enjoy punching in the nose.

Surely a few people spring right to mind.

Create this list of people you dont like, and then consider each person on it in this regard:

What is it about this person that is worth emulating?

Instead of focusing on their disagreeable qualities and actions, that is, for each person on your list shift your perspective to what their best qualities are  more particularly, to the one, two or more aspects of their character that YOU could learn from and perhaps use more of.

Perseverance? Discipline? A happy-go-lucky attitude?

Everyone has something worth emulating. Everyone. Though certain people may deserve to be fired, jailed, or impeached, even they have qualities that are worth appreciating and emulating.

It is our reactionary egos that are prone to completely trash those who seem to have a negative influence in some way on us. Our egos are primitive; if somebody strokes them, that somebody is good, and if somebody kicks them, that somebody is bad.

This lingering reaction creates the notion of  dislike, or hate, which blocks our eyes, mind and heart from focusing on anything but the negative. But by focusing on the negative in anyone  I really dont like that person — we are doing by far the most damage to ourselves.

Honing in on what we dont like in people (or in situations for that matter) wont change them, but it does make our lives considerably less peaceful and sucks away from our productivity and happiness. It becomes a habit that perpetuates the self-damage. Plus it makes us considerably less attractive to others.

This is not a call to tolerate being taken advantage of or abused by people we dont like, of course; if changes need to occur to avoid those circumstances then by all means do what is ethical to make those changes.

But it IS a call not to let those people  really, your own ego  pull you down into discord and disharmony where you dont deserve to be.

The key, then, is to try to focus on what is worth appreciating and emulating in the less-than-your-favorite-people people  even if (especially if) they are your opponent, such as in or on court  versus letting your ego, your emotional reactions, rule.

So the first step is to get your practice by making that list of people you dont like and considering each person from that angle.

And then the second step is to extend that practice to daily life.

The next time you encounter someone who seems to be doing the opposite of their part to make your life fabulous — in person, on T.V., in your head — instead of focusing on what makes them such a lousy human being, focus on what it is about this person that is worth emulating. Keep striving to do this until, typically two to three weeks in, it becomes a habit you dont even need to think about.

You will be quite surprised at how this shift in your perspective reduces your overall anxiety and enables you to achieve more … and achieve it happily.

First Things First:‏

We all have many things on our list to do and there doesn’t seem to be enough time and energy to get it all done. Prioritizing is a way to solve this frustrating problem. Prioritizing is about making choices. Here are ideas to help you prioritize.

1. To prioritize effectively, you need to be able to recognize what is important. The important (high priority) tasks are based on what you value and those that help you achieve your goals and provide meaningful and rewarding long-term results. As you perform different tasks, think about where they fit on your priority list.

2. Making a list of all the tasks that need to be done is a good way to begin prioritizing. Prioritize the items on the list by using the ABC method to rank your priorities. For example, Priority A: Must Do (crucial tasks and commitments to do today), Priority B: Should Do (important things that do not need to be done today), and Priority C: Nice to Do (least urgent tasks).

3. Do not think of your priorities as just jobs that need to be done. As you remind yourself to direct yourself to the most important tasks first, you will find yourself letting go of tasks that really didn’t need to be done at that time. For example, what’s more important? Helping your child with homework or getting a load of laundry done?

4. Also take note of the difference between tasks that you NEED to do and those that you WANT to do. Deciding the order in which you prioritize tasks means you start with the needs first and move to the wants afterwards.

5. It has been said before, but learning to say ‘no’ is important. Try focusing on the important things that will get done because you used that little word to decline a task that was not a part of your priorities. What are some of the things you should say ‘no’ to?

6. Interruptions are a normal part of life. If you deal with a lot of interruptions in your life, this can put a damper on your priorities. Learn to limit the number of interruptions in your life.

7. Delegating tasks to someone else is a way to free up some of your time for the jobs that are important for you. It may be tempting to take over if the work is not being done quite to your liking. However, you have to learn that done doesn’t have to be perfect. Good enough is often just fine–like allowing your child to fold the laundry, even if it’s not perfect.

8. Work on overcoming procrastination. Procrastination can waste a lot of valuable time that could have been used for working on your priorities. When you catch yourself procrastinating, be sure to make the effort to take that first step toward completing the task at hand. Taking that first step will help get the ball rolling toward completion.

9. When you prioritize unplanned activities, keep in mind your goals and rely on your instincts. Your effectiveness in prioritizing in these situations depends on the clarity of your goals.

10. When prioritizing, you need to be able to separate the tasks that need doing from the busy work that tends to eat away at your time. Many tasks that fill up your day may not need doing at all or could be done less frequently. Determine what that busy work is in your career and your life.

11. Priorities change as life changes. Revisit and update your priorities on a regular basis.

12. Keep in mind that everything in your life cannot be a priority. There are many important things that will compete for attention over your lifetime and that there are not enough hours in that lifetime to give attention to everything that is good and worthwhile. You have to be selective.

13. Develop systems to help keep things running smoothly. Many times that can be accomplished by using a personal calendar. In family settings, a master calendar is helpful.

14. Keep the option of ‘buying time’ in mind. If you have an extremely hectic schedule, it may be reasonable to buy time by selecting goods and services that save you from investing time. For example, paying a neighbor to mow your lawn is one way of buying time. What are other ways you can buy some time?

15. Use technology to help you prioritize tasks. Sometimes an important task can be done more quickly with the use of technology. Instead of meeting an appointment in person, can you do it through a conference call or by e-mail?

16. When prioritizing, make sure to include deadlines for each task. It will make tasks easier to prioritize and give you more focus.

17. Last, but certainly not least, you also need to be one of the priorities you set for yourself. It is important to take care of you and make time for yourself.