Stone on the road

One day a farmer, walking down the street in a small town came across a large stone in the middle of his path.

The farmer complained: “Who could be so careless as to leave such a big stone on the road?

Why does someone not remove it?” He went away complaining.
 
The next day, the same thing happened with a milkman. He too went away grumbling but left the stone as it was.
 
Then one day, a student came across the stone. Worried that some¬one may fall over it and hurt himself, he decided to push it aside.

He pushed long and hard all by himself and eventually managed to remove the stone from the path.

He came back and noticed a piece of paper where the stone was kept.

He picked the paper and opened it. Inside was written, “You are the true wealth of this nation.”

There are two kinds of people – talkers and doers.
Talkers merely talk, while doers do.

The moral of this story is that if you don’t want to get involved you have no right to criticise.  Become the change you wish to see in this world.

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Attitude and emotions – Powerful Lesson‏

 

When someone is doing something or is about to do something, in a way we don’t want it to be done and when we are not able to accept it, we become angry.

 

 However, when someone is doing something or is about to do something, in a way we don’t want it to be done – and we are able to accept it – We remain tolerant.
 
When someone has something which we don’t have, or someone is able to produce the results which we are not able to produce – and we are not able to accept it – we become jealous.
 
When someone has something which we don’t have or someone is able to produce the results which we are not able to produce and we are able to accept it we get inspired.
 
When Someone is present in our thoughts, but if not physically present and we are not able to accept it – We say ‘I am missing you’.
 
When someone is present in our thoughts, but not physically present – and we are able to accept it – We say ‘I am thinking of you’.
 
Then emotional equation is quite simple.
 
Something + Acceptance = Positive Emotion
Something + Non Acceptance = Negative Emotion
 
So, it is not ‘Something’ or ‘someone’ who is making us feel positive or negative, but it is our ‘acceptance’ or ‘non acceptance’ of something or someone, which is making us feel positive or negative.
 
It isn’t the world but the quality of our response to the world (acceptance or non acceptance) that determines the quality of our emotions.
 
Next time we feel disturbed with a negative emotion, instead of asking who or what is disturbing us, we will examine who or what we are resisting (not accepting) that is causing this disturbance in us.
We will replace resistance (non acceptance) with acceptance, and the negative emotion will turn into a positive one.
 
Emotional management begins by stopping to blame that ‘something’ or ‘someone’ and starting
to take the responsibility to respond to life with ‘acceptance’.

 

Techniques to develop Empathic Skills‏

Empathy is the skill to understand the emotions of people and to treat them according to their emotional reaction. This skill is closely linked with the emotional intelligence which is basically analyzing, assessing and managing the emotion of oneself and others. So by developing and practicing this skill not only you resolve someone’s problems but also win their hearts.

Before you take the deep dive of empathic and Emotional Intelligence concepts, you must understand that human psychology is complex in its nature. Every soul on earth is unique; its uniqueness is dependent on several social, personal, financial and familial and circumstantial factors. Hence in order to understand the emotions of someone the above mentioned baselines have to be remembered all the times because this will prevent you imposing your personal thoughts and conclusion on someone for any given situation and hence helps you understand their unique perspective.

Now that you have concrete understanding on above concept, learn below techniques to build and enhance your empathic skills:

1. Put yourself in their shoes. Involve yourself deeply in the situation in which the person is trapped. Try to evaluate/quantify the level of stress the person is in. Ask questions to understand more but remember not to bombard the person with so many questions as you might cause more stress adding fuel to the fire.

2. Develop Stong Observatory Skills: Observing behaviors is the most important expertise while developing empathic skills. During the conversations try to read the person’s mind however avoid instant judgment and conclusion. Be fair and slow in judging people. Avoid being reactive or explosive. Constantly observe the person during your conversation and try to find the most important ‘point of concern’ which matters the most to the person. This will help understand the problem deeply and might also help you reaching the root of the issue.

3. Develop Analytical Skills: Analysis means to consider the situation from different angles and reaching to the root of the problem. This involves considering financial, technical, emotional, professional, logical and mental aspects of the situation. Also sometimes analytical skills require you to breakdown the given problem into smaller problems and then focus on the solution to each problem separately.

4. Handling the situation: Think what would you and how would you do if trapped in such tragic situation. Think if the person can follow the same methodology to fix the problem? Remember, every soul is unique so you must examine it according to the nature of the person and the circumstance the person is in. For example, you would handle a rich person trapped in the debt differently as compared to a poor person and differently for educated and less educated persons.

5. Effective Communication: Nearly all other skills are dependent on your Effective Communication skills. No matter how genius you are, you won’t add value if you fail to express yourself properly and effectively. You can read my article on how to improve your Communication skills.

6. Follow up: Don’t leave the person alone once you have helped by either giving advice or by fixing the problem. Follow up after adequate amount of time as the situation may have arisen again.

The Young Man and the Bad Habits

A wealthy man requested an old scholar to wean his son away from his bad habits. The scholar took the boy for a stroll through a garden.

Stopping suddenly he asked the boy to pull out a tiny plant growing there.

The boy held the plant between his thumb and forefinger and pulled it out. The old man then asked him to pull out a slightly bigger plant.

The youth pulled hard and the plant came out. Roots and all.

Now pull out that one, said the old man pointing to a bush.

The boy had to use all his strength to pull it out.

Now take this one out, said the old man, indicating a guava tree.

The youth grasped the trunk and tried to pull it out. But it would not budge. It’s impossible, said the boy, panting with the effort.

So it is with bad habits, said the sage.

When they are young it is easy to pull them out, but when they take hold they cannot be uprooted.

Don’t wait for Bad Habits to grow in you, drop them while y

ou have control over them, else they will get control you!.