Wife’s…….Have A Good Laugh‏

Every Wife is a “Mistress” for her Husband.
“Miss” for one hour & “Stress” for the rest 23 hours!
 
The are 2 times when a Man doesn’t understand a Woman.
Before Marriage and After Marriage.
 
My Husband And I Divorced Over Religious Differences.
He Thought He Was God, and I Didn’t.
 
Marriage Is Like A Public Toilet.
Those Waiting Outside Are Desperate To Get In & Those Inside Are Desperate To Come Out.
 
Why Were Hurricanes Usually Named After Women?
Because When They Arrive, They’re wet and wild,
But When They Go, They Take Your House And Car…
 
A Man Goes To The Wizard To Ask If He Can Remove A Curse He Has Been Living With For The Last 40 Years.
The Wizard Says, “Maybe, But You Will Have To Tell Me The Exact Words That Were Used To Put The Curse On You.
“The Man Says Without Hesitation, “I Now Pronounce You Man And Wife.”
 
Husband Searching Keywords on Google `How to Tackle Wife? Google Search Result, “Still Searching`.
 
A Man Goes To A Shrink And Says, “Doctor, My Wife Is Unfaithful To Me. Every Evening, She Goes To Larry’s Bar And Picks Up Men. In Fact, She Sleeps With Anybody Who Asks Her! I’m Going Crazy. What Do You Think I Should Do?” “Relax,” Says The Doctor, “Take A Deep Breath And Calm Down. Now, Tell Me, Exactly Where Is Larry’s Bar?”
 
Husband Throwing Darts at His Wife’s Photo and Not Even a Single One Hitting the Target… From Another Room Wife Called The Husband: Honey What Are You Doing…Husband: “MISSING YOU”…
 
A Man Goes To See The Rabbi. “Rabbi, Something Terrible Is Happening And I Have To Talk To You About It.”
 
The Rabbi Asked, “What’s Wrong?”
The Man Replied, “My Wife Is Poisoning Me.”
The Rabbi, Very Surprised By This, Asks, “How Can That Be?”
The man then pleads, “I’m telling you, I’m certain she’s poisoning me, what I should do?”
The Rabbi Then Offers, “Tell You What. Let Me Talk to Her, I’ll See What I Can Find out and I’ll Let You Know.”
The Rabbi Calls after a while And Says, “Well, I Spoke To Her For Three Hours. You Want My Advice?”
The Man Said “Yes”
The Rabbi Replied, “Take the poison”
 
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY…
Women are like phones:
 
They like to be held,
talked to and
touched often.
But push the wrong button
and you’re disconnected……
 
Difference Between Complete & Finish…
 
People say there is no difference between COMPLETE & FINISH. But there is… When you marry the right one, you are COMPLETE…. And when you marry the wrong one, you are FINISHED….. And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are … COMPLETELY FINISHED!
 
Romantic SMS Romantic…SMS She sends the following message:
 
My love if you’re sleeping, send me your dreams
If you’re smiling, send me your smile
If you’re crying, send me your tears
I love you
He Replied: I’m in the toilet. What do I send?

Women are clever – Brilliant Joke

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, “If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes.”
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, “Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.

Whatever you wish for, your husband will get ten times of it!” The woman said, “That’s okay.”

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.
The frog warned her, “You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis
whom women will floc to”. The woman replied, “That’s okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me.”
So, KAZAM-
she’s the most beautiful Woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, “That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you. ”  
The woman said, “That’s okay, because what’s mine is his and what’s his is mine.”
So, KAZAM- she’s the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, “I’d like to have a
mild heart attack.”

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don’t
mess with them.

Attention
female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good 

Male readers please scroll down:
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The man had a heart attac ten times “milder” than his wife!!! And he survive

Moral of the story :Womenthink they’re really smart but not always !
Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!

11 proven ways to gain unstoppable confidence‏

#1 – KNOWLEDGE IS POWER
Those who know are ultimately much more confident in any arena than those shrouded in ignorance. Use your spare time to read up on the things that interest you, on the things that you are curious about, and build up a solid base of knowledge and critical thinking. The more you know, the more sure of yourself you will be in any situation.

#2 – EXPERIENCE
Uncertainty is the biggest drain on your self-confidence. Succumbing to doubt ensures you will never believe in yourself. The more often you do something, the more certain you become. With certainty comes confidence.

#3 – CARE-FREE ATTITUDE
Try to walk through your day with as easy and care-free of an attitude as you can muster, because someone who is it ease with him or herself is someone who is confident. Build unstoppable confidence by not getting hung up on the petty issues and minor irritations that help wear you down.

#4 – HONEST SELF-ASSESSMENT
Take stock of yourself. Brainstorm for a bit and compose a list of your good qualities and bad, the things you excel at and the things you need to improve upon, and once you have a clear picture of yourself much of the uncertainty that breeds doubt will wash away.

#5 – ANALYZE
Take the time to properly think through every problem, and the confidence in your skills will grow.

#6 – BE THOROUGH
Try to be as complete and thorough at every task you attempt. Completing tasks builds confidence in your ability to always see projects through to their proper conclusion.

#7 – IDENTIFY YOUR LIMITS, AND EXCEED THEM
Once you have assessed yourself, make a list of goals you wish to accomplish, and get to work. You now know your true limits, so the only thing left to do is push beyond them and set your sights on new frontiers.

#8 – BE OPEN TO HELPING OTHERS
Don’t close yourself off to friends, acquaintances and coworkers. The more you put yourself out there in business and social situations, the more quickly you will build confidence in your ability to navigate these sometimes tricky waters.

#9 – COMPOSE YOURSELF
Dress well, groom yourself, compose your identity as a person who is well put together, and you will feel confident when meeting new people and doing new things.

#10 – BE DECISIVE
While it is okay to take time to analyze and think situations through, the time comes when you must be decisive and act. Decisive people are confident; not confident people are decisive.

#11 BE COMPLETE
Know yourself fully, wash away your own doubts about yourself, your identity and your capabilities, and present every aspect of yourself in every situation and you will have no reason to doubt your confidence. Become your full, real self.

20 Great Ways to Find More Free Time‏

Take a time out. Freeing up your time starts with taking a step back to take a good look at your life. You need to block off at least an hour. Several hours or half a day is better. A whole day would be awesome. A weekend would be even more ideal, though not necessary practical for many folks. With this block of time, take a look at your life with some perspective. Is it what youve always wanted? How would you get to where you ve always wanted to be? What do you enjoy doing, but dont have enough time to do? What things actually fill up your day? Are there things you could drop or minimize to make more time? We look at some of these things in the following items, but it starts with taking a time out to think and plan.

Find your essentials. What is it that you love to do? Make a short list of 4-5 things. These are the things you want to make room for.

Find your time-wasters. What do you spend a lot of your time on that isnt on your essential list? Take a close look at these things and really think about whether theyre necessary, or if there are ways to reduce, minimize or eliminate these things. Sometimes you do things because you assume theyre necessary, but if you give it some thought you can find ways to drop them from your life. Figure out what you do simply to waste time � maybe surfing certain sites, watching TV, talking a lot at the water cooler, etc. Youre going to want to minimize these time-wasters to make room for the more important stuff, the stuff that makes you happy and that you love to do.

Schedule the time. As you sit down and think about your life and what you want to do, versus what you actually do, you will be looking at ways to free up time. Its crucial that you take a blank weekly schedule (you can just write it out on a piece of paper, or use your calendar) and assign blocks for the things you love � the stuff on your essentials list. If you want to exercise, for example, when will you do it? Put the blocks of time on your schedule, and make these blocks the most important appointments of your week. Schedule the rest of your life around these blocks.

Consolidate. There are many things you do, scattered throughout your day or your week, that you might be able to consolidate in order to save time. A good example is errands � instead of running one or two a day, do them all in one day to save time and gas. Another example is email, or any kind of communication � batch process your email instead of checking and reading and responding throughout the day. Same thing with meetings, paperwork, anything that you do regularly.

Cut out meetings. This isnt possible for everyone, but in my experience meetings take up a lot of time to get across a little information, or to make easy decisions that could be made via email or phone. As much as you can, minimize the number of meetings you hold and attend. In some cases this might mean talking to your boss and telling her that you have other priorities, and asking to be excused. In other cases this might mean asking the people holding the meeting if you can get the info in other ways. If so, youve saved yourself an hour or so per meeting (sometimes more).

De clutter your schedule. If you have a heavily packed schedule, full of meetings and errands and tasks and projects and appointments, youre going to want to weed it out so that its not so jam-packed. Find the stuff thats not so essential and cancel them. Postpone other stuff. Leave big blank spaces in your schedule.

Re-think your routine. Often we get stuck in a routine thats anything but what we really want our days to be like. Is there a better way of doing things? Youre the creator of your life � make a new routine that’s more pleasant, more optimal, more filled with things you love.

Cut back on email. I mentioned email in an earlier point above, regarding consolidating, but its such a major part of most peoples lives that it deserves special attention. How often do you check email? How much time do you spend composing emails? If you spend a major part of your work day on email, as many people do (and as I once did), you can free up a lot of time by reducing the time you spend in email. Now, this wont work for everyone, but it can work for many people: choose 2-3 key times during the day to process your inbox to empty, and keep your responses to 5 sentences.

Learn to say no. If you say yes to every request, you will never have any free time. Get super protective about your time, and say no to everything but the essential requests. Keep your list to 3. When you make out your daily to-do list, just list the three Most Important Tasks you want to accomplish today. Dont make a laundry list of tasks, or you fill up all your free time. By keeping your task list small, but populated only by important tasks, you ensure that you are getting the important stuff done but not overloading yourself.

Do your Biggest Rock first. Of the three Most Important Tasks you choose for the day, pick the biggest one, or the one youre dreading most, and do that first. Otherwise you put that off as much as possible and fill your day with less important things. Dont allow yourself to check email until that Big Rock is taken care of. It starts your day with a sense of major accomplishment, and leaves you with a lot of free time the rest of the day, because the most important thing is already done.

Delegate. If you have subordinates or co workers who can do a task or project, try to delegate it. Dont feel like you need to do everything yourself. If necessary, spend a little time training the person to whom youre delegating the task, but that little time spent training will pay off in a lot of time saved later. Delegating allows you to focus on the core tasks and projects you should be focusing on.

Cut out distractions. What is there around your workspace that distracts you from the task at hand? Sometimes its visual clutter, or papers lying around that call for your attention and action, or email or IM notifiers on your computer that pop up at the wrong time, or the phone, or co workers. See if you can eliminate as many of these as possible � the more you can focus, the more effective you be and the less time you waste. That equals time saved for the good stuff.

Disconnect. The biggest of distractions, for most people, is the Internet. My most productive times are when Im disconnected from the grid. Now, Im not saying you need to be disconnected all the time, but if you really want to be able to effectively complete tasks, disconnect your Internet so you can really focus. Set certain times of the day for connectivity, and only connect during those periods.

Outsource. If you cant delegate, see if you can outsource. With the Internet, we can connect with people from all over the world. Ive outsourced many things, from small tasks to checking email to legal work to design and editing work and more. That allows me to focus on the things Im best at, the things I love doing, and saves me a lot of time.

Make use of your mornings. I find that mornings are the absolute best times to schedule the things I really want to do. I run, read and write in the mornings � three of the four things on my Essentials List (spending time with family is the other thing on the list). Mornings are great because your day hasnt been filled with a bunch of unscheduled, demanding, last-minute tasks that will push back those Essentials. For example, if you schedule something for late afternoon, by the time late afternoon rolls around, you might have a dozen other things newly added to your to-do list, and you put off that late-afternoon Essential. Instead, schedule it for the morning, and itl rarely (if ever) get pushed back.

The Golden Right-after-work Time. Other than mornings, I find the time just after work to be an incredible time for doing Essential things. Exercise, for example, is great in the 5-oclock hour, as is spending time with family, or doing anything else relaxing.

Your evenings. The time before you go to bed is also golden, as it exists every single day, and its usually completely yours to schedule. What do you want to do with this time? Read? Spend time with your kids? Work on a hobby youre passionate about? Take advantage of this time.

Lunch breaks. If the three golden times mentioned above dont work for you, lunch breaks are another good opportunity to schedule things. Some people like to exercise, or to take quiet times, during their lunch breaks. Others use this time to work on an important personal goal or project.

The King and his Four Queens‏

Once upon a time there was a rich King who had four wives.

He loved the 4th wife the most and adorned her with rich robes and treated her to the finest of delicacies. He gave her nothing but the best.

He also loved the 3rd wife very much and was always showing her off to neighboring kingdoms. However, he feared that one day she would leave him for another.

He also loved his 2nd wife. She was his confident and was always kind, considerate and patient with him. Whenever the King faced a problem, he could confide in her, and she would help him get through the difficult times.

The King’s 1st wife was a very loyal partner and had made great contributions in maintaining his wealth and kingdom. However, he did not love the first wife. Although she loved him deeply, he hardly took notice of her or even fed or clothed her properly!

One day, the King fell ill and he knew his time was short. He thought of his luxurious life and wondered, I now have four wives with me, but when I die, I’ll be all alone.”

Thus, he asked the 4th wife, “I have loved you the most, endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I’m dying, will you follow me and keep me company? “No way!”, replied the 4th wife, and she walked away without another word. Her answer cut like a sharp knife right into his heart.

The sad King then asked the 3rd wife, “I have loved you all my life. Now that I’m dying, will you follow me and keep me company?” “No!”, replied the 3rd wife. “Life is too good! When you die, I’m going to remarry!” His heart sank and turned cold.

He then asked the! 2nd wif e, “I have always turned to you for help and you’ve always been there for me. When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?” “I’m sorry, I can’t help you out this time!”, replied the 2nd wife. “At the very most, I can only walk with you to your grave.” Her answer struck him like a bolt of lightning, and the King was devastated.

Then a voice called out: “I’ll go with you. I’ll follow you no matter where you go.” The King looked up, and there was his first wife. She was very skinny as she suffered from malnutrition and neglect. Greatly grieved, the King said, “I should have taken much better care of you when I had the chance!”

In truth, we all have the 4 wives in our lives:
Our 4th wife is our body. No matter how much time and effort we lavish in making it look good, it will leave us when we die.
Our 3rd wife is our possessions, status and wealth. When we die, it will all go to others.
Our 2nd wife is our family and friends. No matter how much they have been there for us, the furthest they can stay by us is up to the grave.
Finally, our 1st wife is our Soul. Often neglected in pursuit of wealth, power and pleasures of the world. However, our Soul is the only thing that will follow us wherever we go.

MORAL: Cultivate, strengthen and cherish it now, for it is the only part of us that will follow us to the throne of God and continue with us throughout Eternity.