I’ve just quit drinking – Award Winning Joke

Banta Singh walks into a bar in Ludhiana & orders three glasses of Beer and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender asks him, “You know, beer goes flat after I fill it in the glass; it would taste better if you bought one at a time.”

Banta Singh replies, “Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Dubai, the other in Canada, and I’m here in Ludhiana. When they left home, we promised that we’d drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.”

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. Banta Singh becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the sameway.  He orders three Beers and drinks them in turn.

One day, he comes in and orders only two Beers. All the other regulars notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says,” I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I  wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss.”

Banta Singh looks confused for a moment, then alight dawns in his eye and he laughs. “Oh, no,” he, says, “Everyone’s fine – both my brothers  are alive”.






“Only thing is —- I’ve just quit drinking”!!!!!!

Someone has stolen our tent – Award Winning Joke

A MBA and an Engineer go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep.

Some hours later, the Engineer wakes his MBA friend. “Look up at the sky and tell me what you see?”

The MBA replies, “I see millions of stars.”

The Engineer asks “What does that tell you?”

The MBA ponders for a minute:

“Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it’s evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?”

The Engineer friend is silent for a moment, and then speaks.

“Practically…it tells me that someone has stolen our tent”.

I believed my Mother!!

There was a girl by the name of Wilma Rudolph who was born immaturely in a black family, her weight being around two kilograms at the time of her birth.

She was crippled by polio during her early childhood.

One doctor told her mother that the condition couldn’t be cured. But the doctor’s verdict wouldn’t affect the mother.

Wilma says while bringing back the memories of her childhood, ‘The doctor said I would never walk again, my mother said I would. I believed my mother”.

Wilma’s mother found out that there was a hospital some eight kilometers from her place where her daughter could be treated. Wilma’s mother took her daughter there twice weekly for two years on end.

After two years’ treatment, Wilma was able to walk with the help of crutches.

Finally, at the age of twelve, she began walking normally without crutches.

At the age or sixteen, in the 1956 Olympics she won a bronze in the 4 x 4 relay.

In the 1960 Olympics, she become the first American woman to win three gold medals in the Olympics.

Inspiring Quotes – 04

  • To achieve something you have never acheived before, you must do something you have never done before.
  • In nature, there are neither rewards nor punishments; only consequences.
  • “First I dream my painting, and then I paint my dream” – Vincent Van Gogh
  • The tragedy in life doesn’t lie in not reaching the goal. The tragedy lies in having no goal to reach.
  • When one’s desire is intense enough; a normal, ordinary person will appear to posses superhuman powers.
  • The mind in its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell and a hell of heaven. – John Milton
  • People who have succeeded have worked while others idled; have persisted while others gave up insespair.
  • None can succeed without paying the price of success.
  • We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done.
  • First do it, then sayit. – Russian Proverb
  • The thing that counts is not what we can do but what we actually do.
  • Self-discipline is the ability to make yourself do what you should do, when you should do it, whether you feel like it or not.
  • If I had eight hours to cut down a tree, I’d spend six of them sharpening my axe. – Abraham Lincon
  • When one door closes, another does open; but we often look as long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the ones which are open for us.
  • The shortest way to do many things is to do only one thing at a time.
  • The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials.
  • The history of mankind is the history of the risk-taking.

The Lion’s share

The Lion went once a-hunting along with the Fox, the Jackal, and the Wolf.

They hunted and they hunted till at last they surprised a Stag, and soon took its life. Then came the question how the spoil should be divided. “Quarter me this Stag,”

Roared the Lion; so the other animals skinned it and cut it into four parts.

Then the Lion took his stand in front of the carcass and pronounced judgment: “The first quarter is for me in my capacity as King of Beasts; the second is mine as arbiter; another share comes to me for my part in the chase; and as
for the fourth quarter, well, as for that, I should like to see which of you will dare to lay a paw upon it.”

“Hump,” grumbled the Fox as he walked away with his tail between his legs; but he spoke in a low growl[murmur angrily] —

“YOU MAY SHARE THE LABOURS OF THE GREAT, BUT YOU WILL NOT SHARE THE SPOIL”

*SPOIL = Profit or advantage from success or position

Vivekananda’s Speech on Buddha

I am not a Buddhist, as you have heard, and yet I am. If China, or Japan, or Ceylon follow the teachings of the Great Master, India worships him as God incarnate on earth. You have just now heard that I am going to criticize Buddhism, but by that I wish you to understand only this. Far be it from me to criticize him whom I worship as God incarnate on earth. But our views about Buddha are that he was not understood properly by his disciples. The relation between Hinduism (by Hinduism, I mean the religion of the Vedas) and what is called Buddhism at the present day, is nearly the same as between Judaism and Christianity. Jesus Christ was a Jew, and Shakya Muni was a Hindu. The Jews rejected Jesus Christ, nay, crucified him, and the Hindus have accepted Shakya Muni as God and worship him. But the real difference that we Hindus want to show between modern Buddhism and what we should understand as the teachings of Lord Buddha, lies principally in this: Shakya Muni came to preach nothing new. He also, like Jesus, came to fulfill and not to destroy. Only, in the case of Jesus, it was the old people, the Jews, who did not understand him, while in the case of Buddha, it was his own followers who did not realize the importance of his teachings, As the Jew did not understand the fulfillment of the Old Testament, so the Buddhist did not understand the fulfillment of the truths of the Hindu religion. Again, I repeat, Shakya Muni came not to destroy, but he was the fulfillment, the logical conclusion, the logical development of the religion of the Hindus.

The religion of the Hindus is divided into two parts, the ceremonial and the spiritual; the spiritual portion is specially studied by the monks. In that there is no caste. A man from the highest caste and a man from the lowest may become a monk in India and the two castes become equal. In the religion there is no caste; caste is simply a social institution, Shakya Muni himself was a monk, and it was his glory that he had the large-heartedness to bring out the truths how the hid- den Vedas and throw them broadcast all over the world. He was the first being in the world who brought missionarizing into practice – nay, he was the first to conceive the idea of proselytizing.

The great glory of the Master lay in his wonderful sympathy for everybody, especially for the ignorant and the poor. Saint of his disciples were Brahmins. When Buddha was teaching, Sanskrit was no more the spoken language in India. It was then only in the books of the learned. Some of the Buddha’s Brahmin disciples wanted to translate his teachings into Sanskrit, but he distinctly told them, ‘I am for the poor, for the people: let me speak in the tongue of the people.’ And so to this day the great bulk of his teachings are in the vernacular of that day in India.

Whatever may be the position of philosophy, whatever may the position of metaphysics, so long as there is such a thing as death in the world, so long as there is such a thing as weakness in the human heart, so long as there is a cry going out of the heart of man in his very weakness, there shall be a faith in God.

On the philosophic side, the disciples of the Great Master dashed themselves against the eternal rocks of the Vedas and could not crush them, and on the other side they took away from the nation that eternal God to which everyone, man or woman, clings so fondly. And the result was that Buddhism had to die a natural death in India. At the present day there is not one who calls himself a Buddhist in India, the land of its birth.

But at the same time, Brahminism lost something – that reforming zeal, that wonderful sympathy and charity for everybody, that wonderful leaven which Buddhism had brought to the masses and which had rendered Indian society so great that a Greek historian who wrote about India of that time was led to say that no Hindu was known to tell untruth and no Hindu woman was known to be unchaste.

Hinduism cannot live without Buddhism, nor Buddhism without Hinduism. Then realize what the separation has shown to us, that the Buddhists cannot stand without the brain and philosophy of the Brahmins, nor the Brahmin without the heart of the Buddhist. This separation between the Buddhists and the Brahmins is the cause of the downfall of India. That is why India is populated by three hundred millions of beg- gars, and that is why India has been the slave of conquerors for the last thousand years. Let us then join the wonderful intellect of the Brahmin with the heart, the noble soul, the wonderful humanizing power of the Great Master

Nobel Peace Prize Acceptance Speech – Mother Teresa

As we have gathered here together to thank God for the Nobel Peace Prize, I think it will be beautiful that we pray the prayer of St. Francis of Assisi which always surprises me very much . We pray this prayer every day after Holy Communion, because it is very fitting for each one of us…

…How can you love God whom you do not see, if you do not love your neighbor whom you see, whom you touch, with whom you live? And so this is very important for us to realize that love, to be true, has to hurt. It hurt Jesus to love us. It hurt him. And to make sure we remember his great love, he made himself the bread of life to satisfy our hunger for his love – our hunger for God – because we have been created for that love. We have been created in his image.

We have been created to love and to be loved, and he has become man to make it possible for us to love as he loved us. He makes himself the hungry one, the naked one, the homeless one, and he says: ” You did it to me”. he is hungry for our love, and this is the hunger that you and I must find. It may be in our own home. I never forget an opportunity I had in visiting a home where they had all these old parents of sons and daughters who had just put them in an institution and forgotten, maybe. 

And I went there, and I saw in that home they had everything, beautiful things, but everybody was looking towards the door. And I did not see a singe one with a smile on their face. And I turned to the sister and I asked: How is that? How is that these people who have everything here, why are they all looking towards the door? Why are they not smiling? I am so used to see the smiles on our people, even the dying ones smile. And she said: “This is nearly every day. 

They are expecting, they are hoping that a son or daughter will come to visit them. They are hurt because they are forgotten.” And see – this is where love comes. That poverty comes right there in our own home, even neglect to love. Maybe in our own family we have somebody who is feeling lonely, who is feeling sick, who is feeling worried, and there are difficult days for everybody. Are we there?

Are we there to Receive them? Is the mother there to receive the child? I was surprised in the West to see so many young boys and girls given into drugs. And I tried to find out why. Why is it like that? And the answer was: “Because there is no one in the family to receive them.” Father and mother are so busy they have no time. Young parents are in some institution and the child goes back to the street and gets involved in something. 

We are talking of peace. These are things that break peace. But I feel the greatest destroyer of peace today is abortion, because it is a direct war, a direct killing, direct murder by the mother herself. And we read in the scripture, for God says very clearly: “Even if a mother could forget her child, I will not forget you. I have curved you in the palm of my hand.” We are curved in the palm of his hand; so close to him, that unborn child has been curved in the hand of God. 

And that is what strikes me most, the beginning of that sentence, that even if a mother could forget, something impossible – but even if she could forget – I will not forget you. And today the greatest means, the greatest destroyer of peace is abortion. And we who are standing here – our parents wanted us. We would not be here if our parents would do that to us. Our children, we want them, we love them. 

But what of the other millions. Many people are very, very concerned with the children of India, with the children of Africa where quite a number die, maybe of malnutrition, of hunger and so on, but millions are dying deliberately by the will of the mother. And this is what is the greatest destroyer of peace today. Because if a mother can kill her own child, what is left for me to kill you and you to kill me? There is nothing between. And this I appeal in India, I appeal everywhere – “Let us bring the child back” – and this year being the child’s year: What have we done for the child? 

At the beginning of the year I told, I spoke everywhere and I said: let us ensure this year that we make every single child born, and unborn, wanted. And today is the end of the year. Have we really made the children wanted? I will tell you something terrifying. We are fighting abortion by adoption. We have saved thousands of lives. We have sent word to all the clinics, to the hospitals, police stations: “Please don’t destroy the child; we will take the child”. 

So every hour of the day and night there is always somebody – we have quite a number of unwedded mothers – tell them: “Come, we will take care of you, we will take care of the child from you, and we will get a home for the child”. And we have a tremendous demand for families who have no children, that is the blessing of God for us. And also, we are doing another thing which is very beautiful. We are teaching our beggars, our leprosy patients, our slum dwellers, our people of the street, natural family planning. 

And in Calcutta alone in six years – it is all in Calcutta – we have had 61 273 babies less from the families who would have had them because they practice this natural way of abstaining, of self-control, out of love for each other. We teach them the temperature method which is very beautiful, very simple. And our poor people understand. And you know what they have told me? “Our family is healthy, our family is united, and we can have a baby whenever we want”. 

So clear – those people in the street, those beggars – and I think that if our people can do like that how much more you and all the others who can know the ways and means without destroying the life that God has created in us. The poor people are very great people. They can teach us so many beautiful things. The other day one of them came to thank us and said: “You people who have evolved chastity; you are the best people to teach us family planning because it is nothing more than self-control out of love for each other.”

And I think they said a beautiful sentence. And these are people who maybe have nothing to eat, maybe they have not a home where to live, but they are great people. The poor are very wonderful people. One evening we went out and we picked up four people from the street. And one of them was in a most terrible condition. And I told the sisters: “You take care of the other three; I will take care of this one that looks worse.” So I did for her all that my love can do. I put her in bed, and there was such a beautiful smile on her face. 

She took hold of my hand, as she said one word only: “thank you” – and she died. I could not help but examine my conscience before her. And I asked: “What would I say if I was in her place?” And my answer was very simple. I would have tried to draw a little attention to myself. I would have said: “I am hungry, I am dying, I am cold, I am in pain”, or something. But she gave me much more – she gave me her grateful love. 

And she died with a smile on her face – like that man who we picked up from the drain, half eaten with worms, and we brought him to the home – “I have lived like an animal in the street, but I am going to die like an angel, loved and cared for.” And it was so wonderful to see the greatness of that man who could speak like that, who could die like that without blaming, without cursing anybody, without comparing anything. Like an angel – this is the greatness of our people. 

And this is why we believe what Jesus has said: “I was hungry; I was naked, I was homeless; I was unwanted, unloved, uncared for – and you did it to me.” I believe that we are not really social workers. We may be doing social work in the eyes of people. But we are really contemplatives in the heart of the world. For we are touching the body of Christ twenty-four hours. We have twenty-four hours in his presence, and so you and I. You too must try to bring that presence of God into your family, for the family that prays together stays together. 

And I think that we in our family, we don’t need bombs and guns, to destroy or to bring peace – just get together, love one another, bring that peace, that joy, that strength of presence of each other in the home. And we will be able to overcome all the evil that is in the world. There is so much suffering, so much hatred, so much misery, and we with our prayer, with our sacrifice are beginning at home. Love begins at home, and it is not how much we do, but how much love we put in the action that we do. 

It is to God almighty – how much we do does not matter, because he is infinite, but how much love we put in action. How much we do to him in the person that we are serving. Some time ago in Calcutta we had great difficulty in getting sugar. And I don’t know how the word got around to the children, and a little boy of four years old, a Hindu boy, went home and told his parents: “I will not eat sugar for three days. 

I will give my sugar to Mother Teresa for her children.” After these three days his father and mother brought him to our house. I had never met them before, and this little one could scarcely pronounce my name. But he knew exactly what he had come to do. He knew that he wanted to share his love. And this is why I have received such a lot of love from all. From the time that I have come here I have simply been surrounded with love, and with real, real understanding love. 

It could feel as if everyone in India, everyone in Africa is somebody very special for to you. And I felt quite home, I was telling Sister today. If feel in the convent with the Sisters as if I am in Calcutta with my own Sisters. So completely at home here, right here. And so here I am talking with you. I want you to find the poor here, right in your own home first. And begin love there. Be that good news to your own people. And find out about your next-door neighbor. 

Do you know who they are? I had the most extraordinary experience with a Hindu family who had eight children. A gentleman came to our house and said: “Mother Teresa, there is a family with eight children; they have not eaten for so long; do something”. So I took some rice and I went there immediately. And I saw the children – their eyes shining with hunger. I don’t know if you have ever seen hunger. But I have seen it very often. 

And she took the rice, she divided the rice, and she went out. When she came back I asked her: “Where did you go, what did you do?” And she gave me a very simple answer: “They are hungry also”. What struck me most was that she knew – and who are they? a Muslim family – and she knew. I didn’t bring more rice that evening because I wanted them to enjoy the joy of sharing. But there were those children radiating joy, sharing the joy with their mother because she had the love to give. 

And you see this is where love begins – at home. And I want you – and I am very grateful for what I have received. It has been a tremendous experience and I go back to India – I will be back by next week, the 15th I hope, and I will be able to bring your love. And I know well that you have not given from your abundance, but you have given until it has hurt you. Today the little children, they gave – I was so surprised – there is so much joy for the children that are hungry. 

That the children like themselves will need love and get so much from their parents. So let us thank God that we have had this opportunity to come to know each other, and that this knowledge of each other has brought us very close. And we will be able to help the children of the whole world, because as you know our Sisters are all over the world. And with this prize that I have received as a prize of peace, I am going to try to make the home for many people that have no home. 

Because I believe that love begins at home, and if we can create a home for the poor, I think that more and more love will spread. And we will be able through this understanding love to bring peace, be the good news to the poor. The poor in our own family first, in our country and in the world. To be able to do this, our Sisters, our lives have to be woven with prayer. They have to be woven with Christ to be able to understand, to be able to share. Today, there is so much suffering and I feel that the passion of Christ is being relived all over again. 

Are we there to share that passion, to share that suffering of people – around the world, not only the poor countries. But I found the poverty of the West so much more difficult to remove. When I pick up a person from the street, hungry, I give him a plate of rice, a piece of bread, I have satisfied. I have removed that hunger. But a person that is shut out, that feels unwanted, unloved, terrified, the person that has been thrown out from society – that poverty is so hurtful and so much, and I find that very difficult. 

Our Sisters are working amongst that kind of people in the West. So you must pray for us that we may be able to be that good news. We cannot do that without you. You have to do that here in your country. You must come to know the poor. Maybe our people her have material things, everything, but I think that if we all look into our own homes, how difficult we find it sometimes to smile at each other, and that the smile is the beginning of love. 

And so let us always meet each other with a smile, for the smile is the beginning of love, and once we begin to love each other, naturally we want to do something. So you pray for our Sisters and for me and for our Brothers, and for our Co-Workers that are around the world. Pray that we may remain faithful to the gift of God, to love him and serve him in the poor together with you. 

What we have done we would not have been able to do if you did not share with your prayers, with your gifts, this continual giving. But I don’t want you to give me from your abundance. I want you to give me until it hurts. The other day I received $15 from a man who has been on his back for twenty years and the only part that he can move is his right hand. And the only companion that he enjoys is smoking. 

And he said to me: “I do not smoke for one week, and I send you this money.” It must have been a terrible sacrifice for him but see how beautiful, how he shared. And with that money I brought bread and I gave to those who are hungry with a joy on both sides. He was giving and the poor were receiving. 

This is something you and I can do – it is a gift of God to us to be able to share our love with others. And let it be able to share our love with others. And let it be as it was for Jesus. Let us love one another as he loved us. Let us love him with undivided love. And the joy of loving him and each other – let us give now that Christmas is coming so close. Let us keep that joy of loving Jesus in our hearts, and share that joy with all that we come in touch with. 

That radiating joy with all that we come in touch with. That radiating joy is real, for we have no reason not to be happy because we have Christ with us. Christ in our hearts, Christ in the poor that we meet, Christ in the smile that we give and the smile that we receive. Let us make that one point – that no child will be unwanted and also that we meet each other always with a smile, especially when it is difficult to smile. 

I never forget some time ago about fourteen professors came from the United States from different universities. And they came to Calcutta to our house. Then we were talking about the fact that they had been to the home for the dying. (We have a home for the dying in Calcutta, where we have picked up more than 36 000 people only from the streets of and out of that big number more than 18 000 have died a beautiful death. They have just gone home to God). And they came to our house and we talked of love, of compassion. 

And then one of them asked me: “Say, Mother, please tell us something that we will remember”. And I said to them: “Smile at each other, make time for each other in your family. Smile at each other.” And then another one asked me: “Are you married?” and I said: “Yes, and I find it sometimes very difficult to smile at Jesus because he can be very demanding sometimes”. This is really something true. And there is where love comes – when it is demanding, and yet we can give it to him with joy. 

Just as I have said today, I have said that if I don’t go to heaven for anything else I will be going to heaven for all the publicity because it has purified me and sacrificed me and made me really ready to go to heaven. I think that this is something, that we must live life beautifully, we have Jesus with us and he loves us. If we could only remember that God loves us, and we have an opportunity to love others as he loves us, not in big things, but i small things with great love, then Norway becomes a nest of love.

And how beautiful it will be that from here a center for peace from war has been given. That from here the joy of life of the unborn child comes out. If you become a burning light of peace in the world, then really the Nobel Peace Prize is a gift of the Norwegian people.

God bless you! You will get credit for it.

By Mother Teresa

Oslo, Norway, 11 December 1979

Nobel Peace Prize Acceptance Speech